Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
