Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
