OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
