Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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