i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
