I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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