I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize