I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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