we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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