Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
