i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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