your thong is hanging out like whoa
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
