I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is my gift to your gina
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
