We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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