My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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