After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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