I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
