you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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