I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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