ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
