Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
