I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is Oprah even human
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