i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
