Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize