After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
