3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
