i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
