There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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