Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
