i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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