u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize