I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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