My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
is that a dick in a sweater?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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