it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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