Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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