did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
