piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
