he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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