I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
