Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
