she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize