it hurts more in the daytime
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
