Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
