thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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