i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
