I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
