I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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