her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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