Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
