Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
