no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
