just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
