also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
zippers are such a cool invention
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
