Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
