I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
