oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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