Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
why is half of my head shaved?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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