Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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