Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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