When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
In America we eat man semen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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