he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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