Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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