some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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