new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
