omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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