Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
