so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize