i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You're like the curious george of whores
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
