I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
