Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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